Does It Ever Go Away? Finding Hope While Living With Grief
In the bereavement ministry I am privileged to lead, one question surfaces more than any other:
“Jack, does the grief ever go away?”
It is an honest, heartfelt question, born of the pain of losing someone we deeply love.
I often share a moving scene from the 2010 film Rabbit Hole. Becca (Nicole Kidman), whose four-year-old son died in a tragic car accident, asks her mother, Nat (Dianne Wiest), who lost a son years earlier, that very question.
Nat’s answer is both honest and compassionate: “No, I don’t think it does; not for me it hasn’t. It’s gone on for 11 years. It changes, though.”
When Becca asks how, Nat describes grief becoming bearable—something you can eventually carry “like a brick in your pocket.”
At first, that brick feels impossibly heavy. Later, you may go for a while without noticing it. Then a song, a birthday, an anniversary, or an ordinary moment brings its weight rushing back to the forefront.
Behind that question of “Does it ever go away?” are other questions: Will I ever feel like myself again? Can I laugh without guilt? If I find joy, does that mean I am forgetting the person I love?
I wish there were simple answers, but grief is among the hardest work we will ever have to do in this life. It is not a problem to solve, a timetable to follow, or a journey with a clearly marked finish line. Healing need not mean “moving on” or finding “closure.”
But in accompanying my fellow bereaved, I have witnessed something very hopeful and that is that our relationship with grief can change.
Sorrow may still return unexpectedly, especially on the dates that are etched into our personal grief calendars. Yet many people gradually discover that grief no longer fills every corner of life. There can be room again for laughter, gratitude, friendship, purpose, and hope.
Finding joy again is not a betrayal of the person who died.
We do not have to choose between remembering and living. Those we love will always remain part of our human story in treasured memories, in the values they taught us, and in the love we carry until we, too, are called home by God.
Scripture offers us this gentle reassurance:
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted.” — Psalm 34:19
It’s not a promise that sorrow will vanish tomorrow, but a timely reminder that we need not carry it alone.
SO, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
• Has the weight of your grief changed over time, even as your love remains?
• What has helped you make room for hope or joy while honoring the person you miss?
May God’s comforting presence remind each of us that moving forward in grief does not mean leaving love behind.
Dr. K.
#GriefSupport #Bereavement #SpiritualCoaching
P.S. A scene from the movie Rabbit Hole (2010)
