One of the greatest misconceptions about grief is that healing means leaving the past behind. We hear phrases like, “It’s time to move on,” “You need to let go,” or “You have to get over it.” Though usually well-intentioned, these words can leave grieving people feeling that healing requires forgetting the person they loved or …
“𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑑𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑜 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢?” “𝐿𝑜𝑟𝑑, 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑒𝑒,” ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑑. — 𝐿𝑢𝑘𝑒 18:41 (𝑁𝐼𝑉) Back in 2013, over lunch with an old friend, I was asked a question that changed my life — one I’m still answering today. That friend was Fr. Hank Hilton, SJ, and the lunch was …
“𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒐.” 𝑴𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒘 𝟔:𝟐𝟏 Last Friday, I completed the Camino Portugués, walking 227 miles from Porto through Santiago and then on to Finisterre — often called “the end of the world.” As I reflect on the journey, three graces stand out: 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐎𝐧𝐞: 𝐆𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐟 My first …
“𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙 𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙖 𝙟𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙚𝙨, 𝙣𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙗𝙮 𝙖 𝙨𝙥𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙪𝙖𝙡 𝙟𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙮, 𝙖 𝙟𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙝, 𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙖𝙧𝙙𝙪𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙪𝙢𝙗𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙟𝙤𝙮𝙛𝙪𝙡, 𝙗𝙮 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙘𝙝 𝙬𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙜𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 𝙖𝙩 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙩, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙤𝙢𝙚.” — 𝙒𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝘽𝙚𝙧𝙧𝙮, 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙐𝙣𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙒𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 (𝟭𝟵𝟳𝟭) Today, …
“𝙃𝙚𝙮 𝙅𝙖𝙘𝙠, 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙢 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙂𝙤𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚?” — 𝘼 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙚 𝙗𝙮 𝙢𝙮 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝘽𝙞𝙡𝙡 Two weekends ago, my brother Matt and I stepped away from the noise of everyday life and attended a 42-hour Silent Retreat at Loyola Jesuit Center in Morristown, NJ. Matt and I have …
“𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒔𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒐𝒏… 𝒂 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒕.” 𝑬𝒄𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝟯 A few days ago, I loaded up my truck with petunias and impatiens — two of my favorite flowers I’ve been planting for decades. It’s one of my favorite spring rituals, following weeks of preparation — power raking and fertilizing the lawn and …
“i carry your heart with me (i carry it inmy heart) i am never without it” — E. E. Cummings In Bereavement Ministry, we often talk about the “Calendar of Grief” — those dates forever etched in our hearts: a loved one’s birthday, the anniversary of their passing, wedding anniversaries, and holidays like Mother’s Day, …
Earlier this week, I had the privilege of sitting down for lunch with Chris Farrell, the President of Paramus Catholic High School — my alma mater and the largest Catholic high school in the state of New Jersey. His energy and commitment to the school and to Catholic education is both admirable and deeply empowering. …
Somewhere along Sunday’s 40-mile route through the five boroughs, the TD Five Boro Bike Tour became something I didn’t expect — a journey back through the moments and people that shaped my life. As I rode through Lower Manhattan, I thought about the four firms that defined much of my earlier career — Merrill Lynch, …
Fifty-four years ago today, my older brother Dennis passed away suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 19. In early 2020, going through my Mom’s personal things after her passing, I found this letter — Dennis had written it to me in February 1972, just two months before he died. I was a junior at …
