But they pleaded with Him, “Stay with us, for it is nearly evening and the day is almost over.” So He went in to stay with them.
Luke 24: 29, The Road to Emmaus
Saturday, May 9, 2020
Dear Jack:
It’s hard to believe but somehow you made it through the coronavirus pandemic in 2020. It was really hard and super scary at first as you worried about how your children, grandchildren, and friends would be able to cope with a virus unlike any other you had witnessed in your lifetime. You had just turned 65 that January and because of your heart condition you were considered especially vulnerable to contracting the virus. You had experienced anxiety earlier in your life, particularly in May of 2003 when you had lost the job of a lifetime as the Head of US Research for Credit Suisse and thought your career and life were over at the age of 48! That was really hard to get through but you did get through it. And then there was new anxiety for your health that surfaced during the summer of 2017 when an angiogram detected that your main artery was 85% blocked leading to an emergency stent procedure. But the COVID-19 pandemic was different than anything else you had ever lived through before because it not only resurfaced those earlier economic and health anxieties you thought had been tucked away forever, but unleashed a new kind of anxiety of being physically separated from your family and friends.
Can you remember sitting on your patio one beautiful April morning during the early phase of the pandemic and reading that editorial in the Wall Street Journal that touched on the different assumptions, mathematical models, and research methods that were being used to track the coronavirus pandemic? All those questions it raised about data inputs and how they were being used by government and public health officials to implement specific policies aimed at combating the pandemic. And that great quotation in the editorial from Dr. John Ioannidis, a renowned Stanford scientist that really struck a chord with you and helped you face your new fear of physical isolation and those older economic and health anxieties that resurfaced during the pandemic: “We started out knowing nothing. We know a lot now, but still don’t know everything”.
Do you remember telling yourself how relevant that quotation was to all of us as we navigated all of the different transitions in our lives and careers always in search of self-discovery, new meanings, and a better understanding of why we are here? How that simple quote helped you to reframe the pandemic and the anxieties you and millions of others were experiencing through a different, but more constructive lens and something akin to a life cycle and that series of changes that define each phase of a cycle?
The COVID-19 Life Cycle: Phase 1 and the Immediate Shock Hits Home
Do you remember the shock everyone felt during Phase 1 of the coronavirus pandemic, that moment when literally every state began to implement shelter-in-place orders in the hope of bending the shape of the curve? It took you a few weeks to fully embrace all of those new protocols like washing your hands and using sanitizer frequently throughout the day; wearing that mask and gloves that Katie gave you; Remember how hard it was at first to practice extreme social distancing and experiencing so much anxiety all at once, some that were old fears, and one that was all new? How you reacted when earlier health anxieties resurfaced? It was like living through your stent procedure all over again and the gall bladder and skin cancer surgeries you had in 2019! Or how about all of those nights you were consumed with questions like what if you came down with the virus? Did you have your end of life papers in order like the Will, the Advanced Living Directive, and the funeral plans that you and Jean had put together back in 2007? Do you remember the anxiety you felt if Jean, Tarah, Logan, Rory, Katie, Brian, Patrick, your siblings, your friends, or your coaching clients were to test positive for the virus? How about your feelings of economic anxiety that seemed so far removed from that earlier period in 2003? Those fears that someone in your immediate family might lose their job, get furloughed, or have their hours reduced? Or how about all those days you worried about your neighbors many of whom like you were part of that vulnerable population and how they would be able to survive those feelings of loneliness and isolation let alone the danger of also contracting the virus? How Tarah and Logan and other young families would handle the pressure of having their children at home 24/7 while having to work from home?
The New Anxiety of Physical and Spiritual Isolation
Do you remember that third anxiety you experienced which was all-new and all-consuming? You know, that anxiety of being physically separated from those you love. Do you remember the countless times you would say to yourself “why can’t I just get into my Subaru wagon like I always did and go see Cathy, Mary Claire, Matty or a friend or one of your coaching clients in NYC? Or how about all those times you said to Jean “why can’t we just hop on a plane and head over to the West Coast for a long weekend with Tarah, Logan, Rory, and Patrick and be there with them for the birth of their second child? Do you remember how disappointed you were when you couldn’t take Jean, Katie, and Brian to see your favorite Irish band of all time, the Chieftains play on St Paddy’s Day in NYC for their farewell tour? Do you remember the disappointment of not being able to take Mary Claire to Lourdes, France with the Order of Malta? That one really hurt as you were really looking forward to spending time with her to help her heal from the loss of Chris to cancer! Or the disappointment of not being able to do your Camino Walk across Spain that July, something that you had planned to do for years but had just been waiting for Mom and Bernie to join Dad and Marie and be with the Lord where they belong? Can you remember all of those moments of everyday life that were so difficult to fully adapt to at first? All of the people you would invariably run into whom you would typically embrace with a hug, a handshake, or a high five but because of extreme social distancing protocols you could only acknowledge them with a simple hello and a wave of your hand at least 6 feet away and wearing that mask!
Do you remember how difficult your spiritual life became during Phase 1 of the pandemic? How people of all religions could no longer gather together in synagogues, mosques, and Churches to celebrate their cherished faith? All those families and couples that had to cancel baptisms and weddings and reschedule such important life changing moments to a later date when things got better? Or all the people you knew who suffered a major loss during the pandemic like the passing of a spouse, a parent, a child, or a friend but who were left to mourn alone without the grace that can come from holding a wake or a funeral Mass? All the loved ones living their final days in a nursing home and passing from this life without a family member being physically present with them and to hold their hand in those final moments of life. How grateful you and Jean felt knowing that Mom and Bernie had passed in 2019 before the pandemic hit and how our families were able to be there with them in those final moments of their lives.
Phase 2: Settling into a New Routine of Life and Career in Virtual Space
But as difficult as it was living through that initial shock of the virus, people settled into a new normal during Phase 2 of the pandemic. Do you remember all of the times you said “this is not how I want to spend my 65th year”? But you and everyone else adapted to the challenge of living in that new reality and showed great resiliency. All of us were living life and doing our work more fully in this new virtual world and learning lots of new apps like Zoom, Microsoft Teams, and WebEx and in many ways with a renewed sense of purpose and appreciation for humanity. We began to appreciate even more the benefits of technology and its key role in keeping us, our loved ones, and the world itself connected in more ways than we ever thought were possible. How the role of government grew to unprecedented levels with multiple stimulus programs to address the record unemployment brought on by the pandemic and the millions of families who struggled every day just to make ends meet. Some programs proved highly effective; others fell far short of their intent.
Phase 3: Restrictions Began to Lift and the Economy Started to Recover
Remember how tense things were when the pandemic shifted to Phase 3 of its life cycle in May of 2020? The massive job losses and the growing pressure on Governors to lift restrictions and to begin gradually reopening parts of their economies. You said it was like watching 50 different experiments of decision making in action as some states placed their priority on public health and safety while other states focused on the pressing economic needs of their citizens to get back to work, to feed their families, and to pay the bills that were piling up. Some states fared better than others but learned to change course as the data and conditions on the ground warranted. The economy gradually recovered but every state as well as the federal government learned lots of lessons during this phase of the crisis, lessons that allowed all levels of government to be better prepared for a future crisis. University and college Presidents as well as state and local school superintendents across the country showed remarkable leadership, tenacity, and resilience facing head on what many believed was higher education’s “Black Swan” moment. Their business models were challenged like never before, especially those institutions that were tuition dependent and lacked the healthy endowments that the top tier institutions enjoyed.
Throughout the pandemic, we learned so much that we had previously taken for granted. We became much more aware of our senior citizens and how valuable a gift they provide to all of us. Millions of people wrote letters to them and told them how much we loved them and cared for them. We made cakes and soup and all sorts of goodies so they could feel connected with us even though the protocols didn’t allow us to see them in person as we and they had hoped. We went to the grocery store for them, we helped them learn the computer, how to do a FaceTime or Zoom call, and watch the Mass services online. Do you remember that 93rd virtual birthday party we staged in the neighborhood for Tony C? That was super special! Can you remember how many times you called Tarah and Rory and included our dogs as part of the conversation – boy that was fun too? The family Zoom calls that were akin to a live comedy show. Or how about all the times you said things more openly than what you had before the pandemic and perhaps had taken for granted. Phrases like “I miss you”, “I wish you were here with me”, “I love you”. All those great conversations on FaceTime, around the kitchen table, in front of the fireplace, on the front porch or back steps, or just walking with Jean and Katie around the Lake. The calls to friends both nearby and in far away places and to those who you hadn’t talked to in a long time by simply saying “remember that time we did …..” Or playing Chinese Checkers with Jean on the kitchen table; Jean, Katie, and Brian doing the NYT crossword puzzle; and reading books with Rory over FaceTime and that Caribu app. Binge watching more shows than ever before with Jean on Netflix, Amazon Prime, and Hulu and finding even more joy in listening to music and even doing some Karaoke with that phone app.
Phase 4: The Pandemic Ends and Hope Springs Eternal in a Post-COVID-19 World
When Phase 4 finally arrived marking the end of the pandemic, it was heartwarming to hop back in my Subaru to see my siblings and other family members again and to be with my clients face to face just like the pre-pandemic days and grabbing coffee at Le Pain Quotidien in Bryant Park. Do you remember how great it felt to get back on the plane to San Francisco and those long-awaited hugs for our precious West Coast crew? And how wonderful it was to finally see some things that were now firmly ingrained in our culture. We learned that to reach its fullest potential, online learning had to be available to everyone and not solely dependent on your economic status or whether you were fortunate to be born in a zip code with a good Wi-Fi connection. We learned that our most prized occupation were the millions of teachers who literally moved mountains during the pandemic and were the glue that held so many of our communities together. We finally made a down payment on their extraordinary value to society by compensating them for their true worth. And because of the heroic efforts of our medical professionals, health care workers, and our gifted scientists in beating the pandemic, more students became doctors and researchers kicking off the greatest period of innovation and scientific discovery the world had ever seen. The age of science, epidemiology, and data analytics had arrived just in time to help us address whatever future crisis may come our way.
You also learned just like you had in earlier periods of darkness in your life, that your faith can be a great blessing and a grace that can power you through that darkness. Just like the two disciples who were on their way to Emmaus and didn’t initially recognize Jesus in their presence, there will always be moments on your own Road to Emmaus where you don’t always see Him but He is always there for you. And just like the two disciples 2,000 years ago, you continued your walk to your Emmaus, and you were able to see His presence all around you in your family and in your friends. I hope that you can always find inner peace and comfort from Luke’s gospel describing that inaugural Road to Emmaus. “Stay with Us, for it is nearly evening and the day is almost over”. In the same way the Lord stayed with you Jack and millions of others during the pandemic, I hope you will continue to see His presence in you and all of those around you as you continue your walk until your journey is complete!
Stay safe and keep on walking,
Jack
