“I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me”, Matthew 25:35
“Treat them with loving care for you will only know how much they have meant to you when you see their empty chair”, The Empty Chair
Strangers in Our Midst
Thanksgiving has always been my favorite Holiday of the year. I have so many great memories of my Dad getting that big bird in the oven by 6am and was always amazed at how he managed to get all those other goodies ready for the big feast that would be served to our family later that afternoon. As my wife and I get ready to celebrate our 40th Thanksgiving together, my thoughts these past few days have turned to that First Thanksgiving in 1621 and its timeless message of love for one another. After all, here were the natives of the land — the so-called Wampanoag tribe — sitting down with the foreigners, i.e., those Pilgrim strangers from a far away place they didn’t know. We all learned about this wonderful story back in grade school, and that 3-day feast that gave thanks to the Lord for a bountiful harvest after a severe drought had inflicted the heavy loss of life in both of their communities. When the Pilgrims arrived in Plymouth, they didn’t really know much about the new land or about farming but the natives were there to teach them and to help them find their way. It’s a timeless and powerful message that I think is even more relevant today than it was back in 1962 when I was a 2nd grader at Our Lady of Mount Carmel School in Ridgewood, NJ.
All of us can relate in some deeper, philosophical way with the strangers around us. Some strangers we already know by name but for a variety of reasons, circumstances may keep us apart from them. We still feel deep love and affection for them and think of them often, but we remain strangers until one of us makes the first move. And then there are the millions of strangers we will never know by name but who we feel connected to and have a special affinity for. We marvel at their work ethic and their resiliency in facing loss and economic hardship. We see all of those images and video clips of immigrants and their families coming to our country and it tugs at our hearts. We may not know them by name, but like the Pilgrims in that earlier era, they believe that their God is encouraging them to follow their conscience and their hearts for a chance at freedom and a better life for their families. We relate to them because we too have felt like strangers at some point in our lives, excluded from the larger communities we wanted to be a part of. Maybe we weren’t the smartest or the most popular kids in grade school, high school, or even in the neighborhood we grew up in. That feeling of not belonging or of not fitting in tends to humanize us over time in a very powerful way. And, if we are truly honest with ourselves, maybe we too have excluded others at times with our thoughts and by our actions, especially those who don’t look like us, talk like us, or believe in the same things that we do. Thanksgiving can be that special time of the year to not only be grateful for our faith, our families, and our friends, but to also ask for God’s abundant grace to welcome back all of the strangers in our midst — those we know as well as those we don’t know — in the same way that the Native Americans welcomed those Pilgrims to this new land all those years ago.
Some Chairs are New and Others Are Now Empty
Thanksgiving is also a time to reflect on what’s changed during the past year? Some of us may be in transition either at home or at work or maybe have moved to a new locale and are still getting adjusted to the new surroundings; many of us have taken on a new position at our company, moved to an entirely new endeavor, and met some new friends and engaged in new, exciting activities. For our extended family, there’s been plenty of of change but none more exciting than the birth of two new grandchildren and another on the way. There’s something magical about that circle of life — it’s like adding several new chairs to fit around that family dining table, requiring another extension so everyone can have a place at that table where much of life takes root.
But each new year brings with it some empty chairs, with each empty chair representing a person who is no longer with us but someone who had a huge impact on your life. The empty chair could be a brother, a sister, a husband or wife, a child, a close friend, an Aunt or Uncle, a grandparent, or your Mom and Dad. In my extended family, we said goodbye to my brother in law Chris, my father in law, my niece’s mother-in-law, and my Mom just a couple of weeks ago. So much of your own life can be visualized by gazing at that empty chair and the absence you feel in your life for that special person you miss and love so much. The empty chair is a stark reminder of what was, what no longer is, and that which will never be again and it becomes a headstone of where we eulogize and still grieve but where we also treasure forever the memories of an earlier time in your life.Thanksgiving
In every empty chair sits a beautiful face that we will never forget; a hand that we wish we could hold again; and, a voice that we long to hear just one more time. Even though mother time marches on for those of us still living the earthly life, the love symbolized by the people in each of our empty chairs still hurts no matter how long ago they have left us, reminding us of that beautiful line in the Wizard of Oz where Tin Man says to Dorothy “Now I know I’ve got a heart, ‘cause it’s breaking”. But it is our faith that enlivens us to that hoped-for reunion in the eternal life where all will once again be as it was.
Whatever empty chairs you may have around your own Thanksgiving table this year, remember that each chair is a blessing to behold because it reminds us that we had something very special, something worth grieving over to begin with. Grateful are we to have had them in our lives. We pray that Thanksgiving 2019 can be a time for grace, that we will be able to see and hear our loved ones as they really are, and that those strangers in our midst who feel unwanted or unworthy can be met with doors that open wide and welcomed home and restored to life. And, we pray that the Lord can bring all of us whatever healing, reconciliation, and inner peace one may need.
So, tomorrow when our family gathers around our table of plenty to celebrate Thanksgiving 2019, I know I’ll be looking at that empty chair across from me and I’ll proudly say “Mom, could you please pass me the mashed potatoes?” ❤️😇
Wishing all of my fellow coaches, colleagues, clients, and friends a very Happy Thanksgiving,
Dr. K
